A guy driving down the road sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner leads him to the backyard, where they find the dog sitting in the shade.

“You talk?” the mans asks.

“Yep,” the dog replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The dog looks up and says, “Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to serve my country, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, learning all their secrets. I was their most valuable spy eight years running. All the travel really tired me out, so I decided to settle down.

“I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed, he turns to the owner and asks what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, “Ten dollars.”

The guy says, “But the dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

The owner replies, “He’s a fucking liar. He didn’t do any of that shit.”